It’s not often that I seek advice, but when I do, I can always rely on good ol’ Ralph the Raccoon to offer some sage words. After all, he knows everything – he’s omnivorous.
I had become romantically entangled with a certain Ms. Mary Bear, but got to thinking one night and realized that we share the same last name. This presented an obvious problem.
“Hey man, if you go back far enough, everyone was incestuous,” replied Ralph. “Sometimes, it’s not even that far. My parents, Rudolph and Rae, were uncle and niece. I’m not sure where that puts me.”
At which point I interjected, “You’re a good guy, and that’s all that matters.” But really, I was not satisfied with his answer.
He continued, “Hell, every bear I’ve met in this forest has the same surname: Jerry Bear, Terry Bear, Gary Bear, Larry Bear, Queer Bear, Claire Bear, and of course the cute mentally challenged one, Teddy Bear.”
On that note, I left Ralph to take a long walk and contemplate everything I thought I knew. My world had become so complex. Was Paddington Bear, a British chap with a terrible sense of direction, really related to the Berenstien Bears, a nice Jewish family? And what about Corduroy Bear with his impeccable fashion sense? Could he really be related to that mangy toker Smokey the Bear?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment