I was supposed to move my dad into Binary Sunset today, but I got the most urgent phone call from Roderick the Raccoon who had landed in prison for scalping cheeseburgers outside a Wendy’s. Rod has been a real help since I’ve been down here, so I couldn’t very well leave him hanging. And besides, the prospect of going to a jail seemed a lot more exciting than that of going to a nursing home. Even one with a cool Star Wars theme.
So I went down to the jail to see what I could do. It seems Roderick had devised an ingenious scheme based on the idiosyncrasies of the Wendy’s price structure. He was buying Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers for 99 cents a piece, peeling the bacon off them, and then selling them for 1.29, a full ten cents below what Wendy was charging for cheeseburgers inside.
The judge was in the pocket of big business, and was much more appalled by all this than the fact that he was then taking the leftover bacon, grinding it up, and using it to stretch the pastrami he was selling to a Kosher Deli on the other side of town. But that’s the South for you.
The bail was $500, way more money than I had ever seen in one place, but Roderick told me where his stash of cheeseburgers was, and we were able to bribe the warden with ten of them, plus fries and a frosty.
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