I read the letter from my dad today, and I am concerned about his mental health. Mom always said he was a right-wing bear – he was featured in a 1984 Reagan ad – but now he has become a paranoid conspiracy theorist too. He thinks the government is tracking him with ear tags and collars. This has gone too far.
"Harry,
"I haf’nt writen too you since I lefd 11 yers ago because I never really likked you, you wer an axident, but a few nites ago i was out carowsing with my possum frends eting mushrumes off the forest floor, past a point I ca’nt rememember anything but I woke up in a kettle of a streme filled with chunks of ice, the goverment stole my kidny to sell on the black marcket and now they’re funnelling money to Hillary Clinton Bear and the United Nations, the Black Helicopters are flying all around me, some spooks from the forest service are spying on me too, their monitering me with tags they put in my ear and a coller around my neck, i think they stuck some sort of device up my ass, i hate the government, and I’m warning you to be on the look out for forest servis assholes.
"Your dad,
"John Birch Bear"
I must go to Tennessee and get him into a nursing home before he hurts someone.
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